I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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