Please, let me fuck your mom
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
