is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
