shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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