there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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