That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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