Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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