cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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