I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
