ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
