i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
