Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Randomize
