best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
third nipple confirmed
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
