so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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