I heard we made out
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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