did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize