I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
