never play flip cup with pint glasses
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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