By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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