is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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