By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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