This is not my ceiling
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
