Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
