I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
