He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
handjob tips. give me some.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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