You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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