There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
