I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
