Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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