i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
