if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
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Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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