why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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