why didn't you poke me back
I wish i was in the wii world.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
