Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
