Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
