Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
