I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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