Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
