this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
