I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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