If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
