Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
