In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
