Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
