you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
as a side note pls kill me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
