i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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