is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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