Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
