just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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