my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
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I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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