I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
