I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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