went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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