So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
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just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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