I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
