you traded sex for a burrito?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
