he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
