if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
