This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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