I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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