JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
