he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
