I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
