Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
