It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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