I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize