are you so shy because you have an std?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
