Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
