I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
