pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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