i think my mom watched the whole time
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
