he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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